Forget me not. In your face, you can't forget. Shrieking. Screaming. A banshee let loose not inches away. You can't get away now; you can't shake a thought or idea. Try holding a grain of sand, and watch it fall to the ground in silence. Try ridding your nightmares of the grotesqueness of your mind. Try, just once, to see yourself without the film of familiarity that covers every inch of your body.

Fingers feel the need to tear at flesh - hooking over as though to start and hanging in mid air, frozen in time. Flex them, let them loosen, or your body will scream with pain, your mind won't be alone anymore. Better your skin crawls than your delicate flesh rips and tears with the force from your fingernails. Harm none, harm all - it blurs eventually. Harm yourself, and leave them alone. Harm your own body and mind, hide it away, cower from the reality and leave them to live while you struggle to survive.

Tears will burn your cheeks and make your eyes sting with clarity while you see the truth through the mist of the salty streams. Close them tight, now, the truth hurts more than the lies you've woven for yourself. Shhhhh. Sit quiet and calm. Force your breaths, steady them carefully, make your heartbeat slow and your pulse rate level. Don't let your life take over, don't let the pain back in. This is the last time. Get through this moment and you won't have to face it again. Make this promise and follow it faithfully - no more pain… no more pain… no more pain.

Shhhhh. Curl those fingers tighter, or you'll never keep a hold. Straight in is how to do it. Think of warmed butter - just slide it in slowly and cleanly. Don't think about it and it won't hurt. Don't think, and it will be easier. Switch off, so you can switch off for good. Keep your eyes closed, don't forget. Don't see red, or you'll see red for sure - then the screaming starts again. You can't cope with the screams anymore. As silent as they are, they make your ears ring and your soul crave release. Give yourself the relief. Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop pushing. Cold steel by warm heart - the hot pain overcomes and fills your head with those nightmares again. Go away, you can't be seen. Go away, I can't dream. Not anymore.

Copyright © K Wakeman